Letting go

Half term has been very different this time with the one and only spreading his wings and heading off on a school trip. Now, he has been away on trips before but they have always been in this country and have been ‘fun stuff’. This one has been quite different, destination Poland – Krakow to be precise, and included a visit to Auschwitz. As I write I am sitting waiting for the phone call to say he has landed safely at Luton Airport and is heading back home. I wonder what he has made of it? Did it stir difficult emotions? Did he allow himself to express those feelings? Will he talk to u about it all?

The only contact we have had was to let us know he had arrived at the hotel in Krakow a few days ago and that the room was OK if a little small for him and his two room mates. Will he have eaten well? Will he have slept well? Did he have enough warm clothes (I wasn’t allowed to participate in packing!)? So many questions but I MUST resist the temptation to ask them…yes he’s a teenager and I am not allowed to ‘cross question’. I know we will hear about the interesting stuff in the fullness of time but it is so hard as a Mum not to want to know minute by minute accounts. I’ve got to get used to this as he gradually grows away from my influence...or do I mean control? The GCSEs will be taken this spring/summer and then it’s 6th form – oh yes, and he’s the oldest in his year so driving lessons are on the list for September. Something else for me to worry about.

But as I think back to when I was 16 I was doing so much more so why am I worrying? I was the youngest in my year so perhaps that was what made it different? And yes, it is different for girls. We mature differently and in different ways. The world was very different then – full of the same kinds of temptations but somehow safer, or was it? I was interested in having a good time, getting into pubs and pushing the boundaries. He is much more private and happy to be in his room communicating in this new virtual world. He is interested the political world around him, much less superficial than my teenage years. But I know he will start to go out and about on his own soon enough. He is already talking about other places he wants to visit – that scares me because I have never been a great traveller, I think I am rather like a fine wine! But I have to let him become his own person, he’s not my little baby anymore he is a young man and needs to discover things for himself…just like I did as a young woman.

Post script: He got home safe and sound full of excitement at the riots in Krakow that greeted the NATO leaders, impressed by the North Koreans he met (nicest people there Mum) and insensed by the size of Air Force One parked on the runway of the airport!